Do Not Lie

“People who lie, do not heal.” Carolyn Myss
This has been a fundamental lesson I have come to learn. One of the key elements of healing is truth and authenticity.
We are only as sick as your secretes…
The biggest challenge we have as human beings is to open up and reveal to ourselves and eventually others whom we really are. Cancer forced me to get real and to look at all of me and my family’s truths. It has taken me years but I can no longer follow the unspoken truth of hide, stay silent or pretend.
Working with a therapist, mentors, through writing and guides I have little by slowly uncovered and revealed all the beliefs of shame, disconnect, suffering and fears. I had to take the courage to unearth core erroneous beliefs such as “I am not enough.” And explore the weight of this limitation. How it shows up in my life, how it is expressed through my relationships and more importantly in my Body.
I used to Lie and tell myself  “I am not enough.” With this lens I experienced life and nothing was enough, nothing genuinely fulfilled me, there was chronic subtle emptiness that drove me and controlled me.  I had an insatiable drive to please, protect and provide and yet it was not enough.  I believe this Not Enoughness led me to not enough health, vitality and life.
However, cancer was the alarming wake up call to let go, let go and let go.  I was confused and hurt why if I am such a good girl I have a terminal illness.  And as the journey began it was revealed to me that my good girl act was just an act that deep inside I was a good girl because I did not feel I was enough.
The truth:  I am neither good nor bad, I am human and having the gift of life with all its ups and downs, joys and tragedies I am and have always been enough.  I am enough, I do enough and I have enough.
I am not uniquely wounded, everyone has wounds, let downs, heart aches and joys.
Today I invite you live with Enoughness, we all are Enough.  If we are alive we are ENOUGH!


My long lost friend, my cancer, she is becoming a faint memory…

1_1_2010 Sunrise

I once asked my doctor why I could not find stories of hope and inspiration on the internet for  Stage IV cancer survivors.  I was desperate for encouragement I needed Cancer cured miracle stories to hold on to for when the night terror of disease and death plagued me. My doctor sympathetically responded “there aren’t too many of you and the ones that are they are too busy living their lives rather than posting on the internet.”  I felt  frustrated and said to myself I will never be like that!  I will make a difference.  I will let people know as loud and as far as I can reach offering hope and miracles.  Of course I lied and my doctor was right…I have been so busy living my life that I often forget to post about my Post Cancer life.  The longer time passes the more enthralled I am with living.

Being a Cancer Survivor has not made me sage of love and peace.  Unfortunately, I do not live in the sacredness of gratitude like I thought I would, I remember promising that  I would have a gratitude list forever and ever if I was granted the miracle of a cure…It turns out that I I break promises.

I am human and continue to struggle with  impatience and I do not stop to savor every moment of life precious stages.   The pink bubble of “Life is a Miracle” faded and faded too fast if you ask me.  At times I judge myself harshly when I feel that I am not living life in the flow of gratitude, but I am who I am, cancer did not spare me of myself.  I continue to get irritated, passionate, jealous, excited, despair, joy, scared and have hope.

A fond memory that I have of my cancer days is how connected I was to my inner divinity, I surrendered to what is, I relax into life.  But as the crisis faded that vibrating knowing that God is within me has softened.  It has NOT disappeared. Cancer solidified trust and an unwavering faith.  Since cancer, life’s adversities and joys I have met with an emotional foundation filled with trust and acceptance.  Perhaps I have become a little lighter at life.

Ten years later cancer the disease has gone away or perhaps to sleep.  But for me the true healing is in my mind.  I do not live in fear of cancer, like I mentioned I have even forgotten.  What I do not forget and am very cognoscente of is that I can not reside for too long in resentments, anger, anxiety or irritability.  I can not allow my thinking to create nor stay in obsessions.  I can not allow my mind create fertile grounds for disease to reappear.  And that I believe is a miraculous way to live cancer or no cancer.

Blessing and love to all whom reads this…

Cancer: 8 Years Later


Hi how are you my old friend?
Don’t ever think I have forgotten you.   It may seem to you like I don’t remember…I hardly talk about you but you are still there in the depth of my heart and in the darkness of my fears you are still there you are a part of me.  You always have been and always will.  You were the greatest teacher in my 30’s.
May I enlighten you with some of your teachings…because of you I found out:
I am stronger than I ever give myself credit.
This too shall pass…is ever so true.
The fear in our minds is greater than the actual threat.
Don’t give up before the miracle.
Disease is not the problem it is our reaction to disease that can be the problem.
Practice silence.
Patience is hard to obtain…it takes practice.
We are all divine beings disguised as humans.
Acceptance to what is, is key to our healing.
It wasn’t till I accepted you and nurtured you as an internal whole part of me that your grip on my life loosened up.
I was able to take the focus off of you because LIFE was way more interesting to live and in doing so your grandness was reduced to an issue and issues are like tissues when you take one out another one pops up.
And on a random Tuesday with no rhyme or reason much less an expectation I was informed “your cancer free.”

If you have cancer please make it your friend talk to it embrace it…after all they are your cells.



The truth is that we are not “only human,” we are Divine Children of God.
Our weak links can be repaired and renewed.
We can be healed.
We can overcome.

All things are in Divine Order…
“Life is For Living” by: Eric Butterworth


We were all born with this KNOWING.  An understanding that we come from Divine and that we are Divine.  As we become adults and tainted by the challenges of life and fears we forget.  We forget whom we are and where we come from.  You can use your cancer as an opportunity to transform and regain the knowing and faith we were born with.  That we are Divine Beings and Miracles happen.  The Biggest Miracle you can embrace today is just regaining your KNOWING.

Go ahead and KNOW “I AM A CHILD OF GOD”.

Here’s what happened when I surrendered

floating-water-relaxing-womanI stopped hating, blaming, and obsessing. I stopped hating what was happening, hating what I was thinking, hating what I was feeling. I stopped blaming myself, and I stopped all the “why me’s” – I stepped into magic by trusting and laughing. As a result, the right doctor came along, a kind nurse took care of me, crucial information was revealed to me, an abundance of resources became available to me, a tremendous amount of love was poured over me. I was granted the deep inner knowing that a cure was possible for me.

Keep in mind that during the year of chemo, the tumors often resisted the medication. Prognosis was bleak. It was by the grace of God that I was given the ability to increase my faith when the outward manifestation seemed grim. It became clear to me that I was powerless. Surrendering became the natural state. I had to learn to let go of a timeline of when I would go into remission, what the future was going to look like. All the “hows” and “whens” and “wheres” became emotionally exhausting and unmanageable. Eventually, I took each day “one day at a time,” letting go of the outcome. I thought, “Yes, I may get cured, or I may pass. Either way, I trust that my soul is going to be okay.”

And on a random Tuesday, not expecting anything other than a blood test, the news was revealed: the cancer is gone.

The life lesson of this experience is that surrendering is a lifelong journey of letting go. The instinct is to hold on and control, and the practice is to simply let go – from as insignificant as ordering your latte to surrendering into the last breath of this life.

Detox Your Mind, Body and Life

autumn-dawnBy detoxing on all levels you are now helping your immune system.  Your immune system is on overload right now and has been for while.  By detoxing you are contributing to your healing process. It is a way of you taking charge of Healing.  Let the doctors handle the medicine you can Detox your MIND, BODY and LIFE.  
Detox your Mind. You must question your MIND. And really ask yourself, “How do I know if what I am thinking is true”?

How do I know if what I am told is true?
What is true? If it is true, according to who?

You must detox from all the limiting, fear-based, guilt-based and shame-based thinking.  All toxic thoughts need to be questioned.  All mental limitation needs to be questioned and released.

Your mind is susceptible to suggestion, so you must be vigilant and witness your mind.  Make sure that your mind is not wondering or focusing on limitation.  The mind can no longer get carried away and take you hostage.

You must DETOX from the ADDICTIONS of your mind.

By questioning your thoughts you are taking control of your MIND.  The mind is addicted to fear, limitation, inhibition and suffering.  
But now that you have Cancer, you must realize that you have hit bottom.

And the truth is: you, nor the doctors, nor the statistics, nor the diagnosis knows what is going to happen.  THE ONLY TRUTH is that ALL is POSSIBLE. ALL is POSSIBLE and MIRACLES Happen.  You can not engage in limiting thinking.


Change your diet.  Eliminate junk food and soft drinks.  Eat lots of greens. Juice greens and berries.  Reduce animal by-products. All junk food is bad for you and probably carcinogenic.  Eat organic, or at best, fresh vegetables. Detox from the unhealthy eating habits.


Ask, “What/ who is in my life that gets in the way of my joy and connection with the Divine?”  And whatever the answer is, make sure you start withdrawing from that relationship/pattern.  
Healing is about change and transformation. It’s about letting go of what no longer serves us. Part of the healing process requires us to detox from unhealthy relationships, dynamics, patterns, beliefs, situations and circumstances in our lives.

Love you and honor you,

Be Radical. Heal.

3200549389_2085ae8fa1I was talking to a friend of mine on the beach one lovely afternoon while taking in the beauty and grandness of Mother Ocean. I asked my friend to talk to me about her sister who had passed away from Cancer several years before. Her sister was her best friend and of course she misses her deeply.

Before I go on, I will make one thing clear–it’s true that the last kinds of stories you want to hear about when you have cancer are those stories of death and failure to “fight this disease.” But for some reason I felt I need to know. So, I asked her to tell me about this beloved sister of hers.

My friend described her late sister as a free spirited human being; a loving mother and creative individual who was passionate about life. She was in her mid-30’s and had a great life. My friend also said her sister was a radical who was connected to her soul and knew what was right for her. And what was right for her was to refuse the harsh treatments.

When she told me this, I was at a loss. My friend explained that her sister had tried some of the cancer medications, but did not like the reactions. Her sister felt there was no need to resist “what is.” As educated and young as she was, she was determined to live her life her way. I asked her if she was mad at her sister for not fighting. She said, “No. I miss my sister, but I admire her courage and her path.”

I remember feeling numb, but the word radical stayed with me. It resonated with me. You see, the typical course of cancer is you take meds, experience pain, suffer, then maybe become cancer free or maybe die. But this woman was a radical; she chose the natural course of her life. She felt that if she was meant to be on this planet longer, she would not have gotten sick. She followed the path of her body. RADICAL. Nobody does that, I thought. She was and is courageous.

How am I a radical?

Well, I have been told that my cancer is not curable and that I need to accept it. I did not accept this. I am a radical in a different way than my friend’s sister. I will not accept this prognosis. I said, “I will HEAL myself and be a radical by believing there is such possibility as STAGE IV and CURED.” I know no one does this, and so I thought…I WILL.

And I did. You can, too. The first step is to let go, be radical, and see yourself cured. It can be done. You can heal. Trust.