My long lost friend, my cancer, she is becoming a faint memory…

1_1_2010 Sunrise

I once asked my doctor why I could not find stories of hope and inspiration on the internet for  Stage IV cancer survivors.  I was desperate for encouragement I needed Cancer cured miracle stories to hold on to for when the night terror of disease and death plagued me. My doctor sympathetically responded “there aren’t too many of you and the ones that are they are too busy living their lives rather than posting on the internet.”  I felt  frustrated and said to myself I will never be like that!  I will make a difference.  I will let people know as loud and as far as I can reach offering hope and miracles.  Of course I lied and my doctor was right…I have been so busy living my life that I often forget to post about my Post Cancer life.  The longer time passes the more enthralled I am with living.

Being a Cancer Survivor has not made me sage of love and peace.  Unfortunately, I do not live in the sacredness of gratitude like I thought I would, I remember promising that  I would have a gratitude list forever and ever if I was granted the miracle of a cure…It turns out that I I break promises.

I am human and continue to struggle with  impatience and I do not stop to savor every moment of life precious stages.   The pink bubble of “Life is a Miracle” faded and faded too fast if you ask me.  At times I judge myself harshly when I feel that I am not living life in the flow of gratitude, but I am who I am, cancer did not spare me of myself.  I continue to get irritated, passionate, jealous, excited, despair, joy, scared and have hope.

A fond memory that I have of my cancer days is how connected I was to my inner divinity, I surrendered to what is, I relax into life.  But as the crisis faded that vibrating knowing that God is within me has softened.  It has NOT disappeared. Cancer solidified trust and an unwavering faith.  Since cancer, life’s adversities and joys I have met with an emotional foundation filled with trust and acceptance.  Perhaps I have become a little lighter at life.

Ten years later cancer the disease has gone away or perhaps to sleep.  But for me the true healing is in my mind.  I do not live in fear of cancer, like I mentioned I have even forgotten.  What I do not forget and am very cognoscente of is that I can not reside for too long in resentments, anger, anxiety or irritability.  I can not allow my thinking to create nor stay in obsessions.  I can not allow my mind create fertile grounds for disease to reappear.  And that I believe is a miraculous way to live cancer or no cancer.

Blessing and love to all whom reads this…

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